Looking back on my two marriages, I realize I was never really happy because I still had an emptiness inside. A hole. Even though I had a spouse, it never completely filled the void in my life. I know now that the missing part was The Holy Spirit. I remember towards the end of 2014, I was doing my devotional reading and I called my cousin after I finished. I was just bubbling away on the phone and she interrupted and said “did you hear what you just said?” I had told her that I didn’t feel empty inside anymore….that the big hole I always felt wasn’t there. And until that moment I hadn’t even realized a lot of the changes that had happened to me. I had been going about life, trying to make it through one day at a time, and God was doing big changes in me. And some of them were so subtle, so quiet, I didn’t realize the change until, I think, He was ready for me to.
It’s so hard sometimes to wait and not rush things. We often times don’t think God moves fast enough. But sometimes, not moving right then, IS God’s answer.
I’ve been single now for 2 1/2 years. Man, it was hard at first. Like so many people today, I didn’t want to be alone. I NEEDED someone there. Someone who could validate me as a person. But the longer I stayed single, the more I walked with God, I realized….being with someone else doesn’t determine my worth as a person. I don’t HAVE to have someone to be complete. And that’s something I think everyone needs to take the time to learn before being committed. Why? 1. You learn God is all you need to be complete. He alone validates your worth as a person. No matter what this world says about you, how people try to break you, God says you’re priceless and worth dying for. 2. You learn to love yourself. And when you learn to love yourself, you’re okay with BEING by yourself. 3. If you can’t be happy in a room by yourself, if you are miserable every time you have to be alone, how can you be happy with someone else? If you’re not happy with YOU, you won’t be happy when it becomes WE.
People ask me all the time, don’t you get lonely? Sure I do. That’s when I spend a little extra time with God. Yes, I would like to get married again someday and have the marriage God intended for me all along. But all in God’s time. I’ve seen all to well what following earthly desires get you. This time, I’m letting God lead me all the way. When it’s time for that he’ll let me know. And if he doesn’t bring someone into my life, I’m okay with that. I don’t know what He has in store for me…..maybe my path takes me somewhere that I need to be single to accomplish His will. He knows best for me, and I trust Him fully.
I think God waits for us to get to the point where we realize He is all we need. When we realize, I need no one or nothing in my life but God. Only then can He truly let our blessings fall on us. Because it is then that we are no longer blocking Him from moving, we are totally and completely open and surrendered to Him. And there is no loneliness in that.
Being single today doesn’t mean what people think it does. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable, no one finds you attractive, or there must be a problem with you. It means you are strong, you are independent, you are secure enough in yourself to wait for God’s plan to unfold in your life. You are defined by God, not the world.
There is no shame in being single.